Falling In Love One of the most rewarding aspects of being a Matchmaker is that I share in the experience of people falling in love. I
am involved as a third party before and after each meeting and I stay involved as long as my clients want me involved. It
is still so exciting to me to go through the process of the initial meeting to the point where a couple has mutually agreed,
"this is real, this is the person for me."
After twenty years of matchmaking I can almost tell from the feedback from the initial meeting that this is a couple who will
probably go the distance. Some of the comments I will most often hear are, "I could not believe how fast the time went by,
I felt as though I had known this person for a long time, the conversation flowed so easily, this person felt like a friend,
I could not believe how much we have in common, I have not felt this excited about someone in a long time." The first three
months are the most telling time in a new relationship. At the two to three month mark people are relaxed enough to really
be themselves and that is why so many new relationships end at three months. The relationships that are still going strong
after three months generally work out. The relationships that last a year almost always work out.
There is nothing like falling in love to remind you how much fun falling in love is and I am allowed to experience that
through my clients on an almost daily basis. I love my job!
Desperation Attracts Desperation When I first started Perfectly Matched in 1991 I would hear over and over again, "Only desperate people would go to a dating
service." Having already worked for two years with two national services in Denver I knew that wasn't true. Over 50% of my
clients are referrals today but in the beginning I would hear the same comments I hear today; "I don't have time to meet someone
on my own, I don't know where to go to meet them and I want to make this important part of my life a priority." For all of
those reasons you will meet more serious minded people in a dating service but I work with all kinds of people, including
some whom are desperate. It does not matter how much you want someone special in your life, you can only do so many things
to make that happen. Joining a dating service is a step in the right direction but at some point you have to accept that everything
happens for a reason and you cannot control what another person thinks or feels. So relax, BE YOURSELF, and don't try to force
anything. If someone is interested in you they will express that in time..maybe not the first meeting or the second or the
third but if you push someone for an answer or a commitment before they are ready the answer will always be "No". Go out with
someone at least three or four times with no expectation other than this is a nice person who might end up as a friend. Once
again, if the friendship is right everything else will just naturally fall into place.
Guilty By Association As people go through their relationships one of the most difficult things to do is to not make the new person you are just
getting to know guilty by association the minute they say or do something that an "ex" said or did. As soon as a client shares
something with me in feedback and they say " my "ex" used to say or do that" I am quick to remind them that it could be coming
from a very different place with this new person than it was when their "ex" said or did it. For example, recently a client
was sharing feedback with me on a man she had just met and she said, "I liked him and we talked about getting together again
on Sunday and he said he couldn't do it on Sunday because he was going golfing with his buddies and my ex husband would golf
anytime he possibly could and I'm not going to put up with that again." STOP. As it turns out her "ex" would golf three
or four times a week and when I shared this feedback with the man she had just met he told me he would golf maybe once or
twice a month. Big difference. Try to keep an open mind when someone says or does something an "ex" said or did.
Don't Wait Too Long To Make Your Personal Life A Priority Single people today are waiting longer and longer to marry and start a family. I work with many clients from thirty to
forty who have always been single and are interested in marriage and children. The reasons they have waited are often; their
career and education has been a priority, they have not meet the "right" person, they don't have time to try to meet someone
on their own and they don't know where to go if they do have the time. One of the real advantages of Perfectly Matched is
that you will meet more serious minded singles. Singles who are making their personal a priority and are serious about meeting
that one special person they are not meeting on their own.
If you lost your job you would not wait for someone to knock on your door and offer you a new job. You would go out and
find one. Why not do the same thing with your personal life? You can have everything going for you in life but not sharing
it with someone special could be a big missing part.
The ones that start fast, end fast If there is one statement that continues to be true it is, "The ones that start fast, end fast." I encourage my clients to
focus on a friendship the first three months they are dating someone. Initially everyone puts their best foot forward, it's
human nature, you want them to like you and they want you to like them. It is right at the three month mark that people get
relaxed enough to be themselves and that is when you begin to identify the things that do or don't work. If you focus on a
friendship during that time and you discover it is not going to work it is much easier to walk away if you have not been intimate.
I also encourage my clients to keep their options open when they are first starting to get to know someone and meet at least
one more person. Exploring your options and having a basis of comparision will also keep you from rushing into a relationship
too quickly. Three months is not a long time to invest and if the friendship is right everything else will just naturally
fall into place.
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