Happy Labor Day!
I have been writing Donna’s Diary on my website since June 2009 and I have posted over 600 entries. I enjoy writing it, it generates more activity for my clients, and people tell me they enjoy reading it.
Although my 26 years in the matchmaking business does not make me a relationship expert, it has given me a front row seat to observe, coach, console and share all that I have learned about relationships working with hundreds of couples.
I think Labor Day is a good day to start sharing that information with you because matchmaking has been such a labor of love for me. I will also continue to write about my new appointments.
It took me a nanosecond to decide what I should write about first, PHYSICAL ATTRACTION.
This is what I like to say about physical attraction “other than the fact that it is the most important thing, it is the least important thing.” Almost everyone will say they have to be physically attracted to someone, but physical attraction is in the eye on the beholder. One of the questions I ask in the interview is “on a scale of “0” to “10”, how important is physical attraction?” 99% will respond, “7”, but 99% will also tell me they HAVE to be attracted to someone. However, not everyone takes into consideration that the other person also has to be attracted to them.
My experience has been that most people have realistic expectations about the type of person they will attract. People who are more open on their preferences will have more options. The single most frustrating thing for me as a matchmaker is to work with clients who limit themselves unnecessarily with their physical requirements.
In a nutshell, men are focused on weight and women are focused on height. When I ask “What is most important to you as far as physical attraction is concerned?” Most men respond “not overweight” and most women respond “tall”. Men tell me they like to walk into a room and feel proud to be seen with a lady. Women tell me they like taller men because it makes them feel safe, protected and more petite.
In general, under 5’7 is considered short, and more than 20 pounds is considered overweight. Many people are obviously aware of this which is why men overestimate their height and women underestimate their weight.
For the most part, my clients do not see a picture before they meet someone. Because I am choosing for both people, instead of them looking at a picture, I cannot tell you how often someone says to me in feedback “he (or she) is not someone I would have picked for myself but I found them attractive.” Today, people decide instantly if they are attracted to someone. In one split second, they have already decided that you are, or you are not, someone they are attracted to. Given more of a chance, a real, genuine physical attraction can grow from a tiny spark you may not see instantly.
The song ‘The Things We Do For Love’ should be ‘The Things We do for Lust’. I have seen my friends, family, and clients tolerate situations that were not right for them simply because they were so attracted to the other person. I have done it myself. It never works out because physical attraction only takes you so far. To some extent, I think we all need to get over ourselves and be more open minded about physical attraction. I feel it is our own insecurities that limit us. We need to be with someone attractive to feel good about ourselves and the higher you set that bar, the more people you eliminate.
I understand physical attraction is important but the perfect match for you might not be the prettiest girl, or the tallest man in the room. Instead of looking for someone who knocks your socks off instantly, start looking for the spark which can be easy to find if you just give it a chance. You might be pleasantly surprised.
Labor Day marks the end of summer and the beginning of fall. Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas are just around the corner. Fall is a great time to fall in love, or at the very least, date, have fun and make some new friends.
Call 260-1000 for your free interview and let’s see how many matches I have for you.
It only takes one right one!
To be continued………………………………………