Donna's Daily Diary - January 20, 2010

My first appointment today is a lady, late 30’s, ABS (always been single), a teacher, and her long term goal is marriage. She can go either way as far as having children. She thinks that window of opportunity may be closed but believes it “could happen with the right person.” She was in a four year relationship that ended a month ago. Tears in the interview is usually a sign that someone is not emotionally available. I told her I thought she needed some more time to heal. It wasn’t just the tears, it was also because she continued to talk about him and their relationship even when I tried to change the subject. At one point I said “Do you realize how many times you have referred to him and your relationship in the last 45 minutes?” She thinks, like many people, if she could just meet someone she was excited about it would be easier to get over him. I asked her if she still loved him, she said “Yes” and started crying again. I suggested Perfectly Matched would work better for her when she is over him. I also told her my clients don’t expect me to match them with someone who is still in love with someone else. She said, “You must think I’m a mess.” I said “No, I think you are a wonderful lady who has a lot to offer to the right man when the time is right.” She said I helped her put things in perspective and she was going to take my advice on some of the things I suggested to help her move on. My first suggestion was that she stop communicating with him…no phone calls, no emails, no texting, for three months and it will probably be over. He keeps calling her to make sure she is OK, although he is already in a new relationship, and it is keeping her emotionally connected to him. She has a trip planned to Cancun with a girlfriend next month and we agreed she would call me after her trip.

My second appointment had to reschedule because he has a “bug”. I told him it sounded like what I just got over and gave him all my tips for getting better.

My third appointment is a lady I met at First Thursday at the Ritz this month. She is early 50’s, divorced, tall, thin, athletic, one child in college, owns her own successful interior design business and her long term goal is a serious relationship and possibly marriage. She is a perfect example of why men should not limit themselves by wanting to date mostly younger women. She doesn’t mind being a “cougar” herself. Her last serious relationship was nine years younger than her and lasted six years. She is very young minded, thinking, acting, looking and I can easily see her with a younger man. I have definitely seen a trend of older women preferring to date younger men in the last few years (which is what being a “cougar” means). It is just one more way women are becoming more like men when it comes to dating. She said “How much money he makes isn’t that important as long as he can afford to enjoy some fun things like travel, theaters, fine dining and has planned for his future.” She said she is very generous in a relationship and while she doesn’t mind sharing expenses, she will not be taken advantage of financially. Most of the women I work with at Perfectly Matched are not looking for a man to support them financially which is another reason women are becoming more like men when it comes to dating. The days of “Ozzie and Harriett” are going, going….gone!