Donna's Daily Diary - February 9, 2010

Just when I think I have heard it all, I hear something I have never heard before. My first appointment today is a very pretty lady, late 40’s, recently divorced, no children, married for over 10 years to a man she loved with all her heart. He a met a lady that he fell in love with and asked for a divorce. She “begged” (her words) him to not divorce her. He did it anyway and told her she needed to leave “his” house immediately. It was his house. Even though they were married for over ten years, it was his house before they married. She left, she had no choice, and his new girlfriend moved in. They worked out everything except who got the dog. They decided that the dog needed both of them in his life so they agreed to shared custody. She goes to the house she lived in for ten years three times a week to visit the dog. She moved into an apartment and works full time so they decided the dog was better off staying in the home he had always known. The girlfriend is usually home when she goes to visit the dog and answers the door “in sexy nightgowns” (her words) and this lady goes into a backyard of a house she has lived in for ten years and plays with the dog for an hour or so…then leaves. I said “Why don’t you just not do this?” She said “This dog is my baby and there is no way I will let him go. He needs me.” I said “Maybe you need the dog more than he needs you to stay connected to your ex husband.” Tears…tons of tears, she’s sobbing and I feel like crap. I said “I am so sorry. I have either underestimated your connection to your dog or overestimated your connection to your ex husband.” As it turns out, I underestimated her connection to the dog. I said “If you moved to a place where you could have a dog would your ex husband let you have him?” She said “I can’t afford it.” I said “Would he let you have the dog?” She said “I don’t know, I’m not sure.” I said “Find out and if he will let you have the dog do whatever it takes to have your “baby” and not have to go to your ex husband’s house to visit your “baby” and deal with the girlfriend “in sexy nightgowns.” More tears. I’m exhausted and cannot imagine who I could introduce this lady to…she is not emotionally available and she chooses to believe she puts herself through all this because of the dog. It’s not just the dog. She can’t let go and is torturing herself trying to hang on to a life that is gone. Finally, I ask “How old is the dog?” 15 years old…it was his dog before it was hers. Guess who will be keeping the dog?

My second appointment today is a man, late 40’s, divorced, educated, self employed and his long term goal is marriage. He was referred to me by his sister who met her husband through Perfectly Matched and they have been married for eight years. He admits that he is a bit of a workaholic but says that is mostly because he does not have someone special in his life. I asked “Are you a workaholic because you don’t have someone special in your life or do you not have someone special in your life because you are a workaholic?” Very often that is the case with workaholics. He assures me there is nothing more important in his life than finding the right person to share it. He said “I have worked hard to attain financial security and now I want to have fun.” He wants to travel, he especially likes cruises, but he also wants to go to Italy. His family has a home in Italy. A caretaker lives in the home and any time someone from the family wants to visit, the caretaker makes sure everything is ready. He has not been to Italy for a few years now and he would really like to go with someone special. I’m thinking finding someone who wants to go to Italy with this handsome, personable man is going to be a lot easier than finding a man who wants to meet a lady who is still visiting her dog at her ex husbands house.

To be continued tomorrow…………………………………..