Donna's Daily Diary - February 11, 2010

Feedback last week from a lady who had her first meeting, “He was very boastful about himself. He has a lot to be proud of, he’s successful and has accomplished some amazing things but I would rather have discovered it myself over time. He was trying too hard to impress me and it makes me think he is insecure.” I asked her if she was going to be interested in seeing him again. She said “He seemed nice. I would go out again.” Today she called with feedback on their first date and she had a great time. She is much more enthusiastic than she was after the initial meeting and I see this happen all the time. That’s why, if anyone says they are “on the fence” about a second meeting I always encourage them and point out that all they are agreeing to is that there is enough interest to get together one more time. People are very often a little nervous about the first meeting and they can be really nervous if they like and are attracted to the other person. I always ask my clients how someone appeals to them just physically speaking on a scale of “0” to “10”. She changed her “4” to a “7” after just one date. Physical attraction is not always someone who “knocks you socks off” the instant you see them. Sometimes it’s just a little spark that continues to grow as you get to know and like someone more and more and more.

My first appointment today is a lady, late 40’s, divorced, a registered nurse and also self employed with a business where she works with animals. She lives out on some land and has horses and dogs. The first three men I talked with her about, ironically, are all mechanics and she thought that was great. One of them is retired military but instead of working on tanks he now builds houses. Another one is civil service and works for a government contractor. The third one has been mechanic for 30 years and they are all on a compatible income level with her. Her Dad was a mechanic and taught her to be pretty handy herself and she really loves a man who can fix things. Of course, he would also need to like animals. Her family is an important part of the picture and two of her children work with her in her business. She was referred to me by a friend who is a client at Perfectly Matched and she said “What my friend said that really interested me about your service is that you do all the work. I will find time for a relationship when I meet the right man but I don’t have the time or know where to go to find him on my own.” She also likes the idea of the feedback after each meeting. She said “You don’t tell them if I say I am not attracted to them, do you?” I said “I just say you didn’t feel the chemistry.” She said “Would you tell me if someone says they aren’t attracted to me?” I said “I just say he didn’t feel the chemistry.” She said “What does that mean?” I said “It means you aren’t attracted, it’s just a kinder, gentler way of saying it.” I always try to be tactful and diplomatic when I share feedback but if someone is doing something that does not work well for them, and I hear it from more than one person, I feel like I owe it to them to share that information. Sometimes a small adjustment can make a big difference and it’s an opportunity to see yourself as others see you. She said “Now I’m sweating.”

My second appointment today is a man, mid 30’s, ABS (always been single) and his long term goal is marriage and children. He is tall, fit, attractive, a great job, funny, smart and a little cocky. He said “I can’t believe I am sitting here talking to a Matchmaker. If anyone ever told me I would go to a dating service I would have said “No way!” I said “Then why are you here?” He said “I want kids.” I said “Would you like a wife to go along with those kids?” He said “Of course, but I want to be a young dad and I have been ready to get married and have kids for five years.” Then he talked about his past relationships and it was all about how good looking they were, every man’s head would turn when they walked in the room, how proud he was to be seen with them, how important it is for him to be attracted to them and they must be beautiful. Then he showed me pictures of three of them. I said “Obviously you have been with some very pretty ladies. Were they compatible? Did they want kids? Did you have shared interests and activities? Were they a good match intellectually? He said “You sound like my mother.” I said “What does your mother say?” He said “She calls me Shallow Hal.” Mother knows best……

To be continued tomorrow……………………