Donna's Daily Diary - October 17, 2009

Last Saturday I had two appointments who rescheduled their appointments because the weather was so bad. This Saturday I have two appointments who rescheduled because the weather is so good. I can’t blame them. It is an absolutely beautiful, picture perfect, fall, Colorado day.

Here is a dating tip: If a man/woman talks about other women/men the first time they are meeting you, they are not interested in YOU. Any time someone calls me with feedback and, mentions the person they just met talked about the opposite sex too much, I know that other person was not interested. People never talk about other men/women when they meet someone new if they want that other person to be interested in them. Here is another dating tip: Just don’t do it. Even if you are not interested, they don’t want to hear it. A couple I matched met each other for the first time and broke most of my rules:

#1 They talked on the phone for an hour before they met (I recommend keeping the first phone call “brief”. Ten or fifteen minutes is enough time to set up a meeting. Those conversations can go very differently when you meet in person and know whether or not that chemistry and attraction is there AND mutual. This is one of the biggest mistakes people make when they date on their own or, through the internet; investing too much time communicating, getting excited about what they are hearing, finally meeting and, knowing instantly that are not attracted.)

#2 They agreed to meet for dinner (I recommend the first meeting NOT include lunch or dinner and it should last about an hour. It is less expensive and you might also know instantly that you do not want to spend that much time with this person.)

#3 They talked about personal, intimate, serious, complicated issues. (I recommend the first meeting is just to decide if there is enough chemistry and attraction to get together one more time and, to keep the conversation light and easy. The heavy duty stuff is better shared when the two of you know each other a little better and you are risking saying someone the other person misinterprets because they don’t know you. Light and easy for the first three dates.)

#4 He talked about several other women, some of whom he had met through Perfectly Matched. This lady is a new client and not only was he her first match, she is just starting to date after ending a long term marriage. She has no basis of comparison. She wasn’t sure why he would do that or what it meant. My guess was that it meant he wasn’t interested. He wasn’t. He had the pleasure of her company, he thinks she is a really sweet lady, smart, funny and many other superlatives which I believe he sincerely meant BUT………..not interested. I asked him why he shared all his stories with her about other women. He said, “Just for conversation.” I suggested, for future reference, it is not a topic of choice when you are meeting someone new. I would add, ESPECIALLY, if you want them to be interested in you but, it’s a moot point because people simply don’t do it if they want YOU to be attracted to THEM. I think she should get paid for the therapy session he enjoyed at her expense.

Feedback is all about fine tuning.

To be continued Tuesday……………………………………………