Donna's Daily Diary - November 5, 2009

A lady who has been reading my Donna’s Daily Diaries emailed and asked what I mean when I refer to whether or not someone is “emotionally available.” When I talk with a new person on the phone I ask if they are divorced, widowed or have always been single. My next question is “How long has it been since you have been in a serious relationship?” They often respond with “What do you mean by “serious?” I say “Whatever would be serious to YOU.” Then I ask how long it lasted and who choose to end it? I can almost tell at that point if they are “emotionally available.” First of all, the person who chooses to end the relationship usually has an easier time moving on, unless, they ended it because their partner was unfaithful. How long the relationship has lasted also makes a difference. Generally speaking, “they” say it takes about one month for every year to get to a place where you are ready for another relationship. That does not mean you should not date or have fun, in fact, that is exactly what you should do when you ARE emotionally available. People who have been in long term marriages or relationships very often want to settle right in with someone as opposed to dating and exploring their options. It is what feels comfortable to them but, the best way to learn and understand “what” and “who” works for you is to have a basis of comparison. I encourage my clients to keep their options open, even if they like the first person they meet. Some people will say “I have never dated more than one person at a time.” I suggest they approach it with the idea that they are going to go out with someone at least a half a dozen times before they decide to call it “dating”. During that time, meet one more person. If you are involved in a process that allows you to explore your options, why not take advantage of it? Especially when I do all the work!

I matched a couple three months ago and they were absolutely crazy about each other from the second they met. Despite my encouragement NOT be exclusive after one meeting, they were. Three months is about how long it takes for most people to get relaxed enough to be themselves. That is why so many relationships crash and burn at three months. I have a lot of “sayings” in this business but, the one that is most true is “The ones that START fast, END fast.” For more details visit the Bulletin Board on my website. They ended it very nicely, no hard feelings. I already matched them with someone else. Nothing like getting excited about someone new to help you move on….IF, you are emotionally available.

I did not book any appointments today so I could catch up on my matching and because I am leaving early to go to the Ritz for First Thursday. Hope to see you there or at the next First Thursday, December 3rd!

To be continued tomorrow……………………………………..