Donna's Daily Diary - November 7, 2009

My first interview today is with a man, 38, no children, divorced twice, and, his long term goal is marriage and children. He said “If anyone had ever told me I would be 38, divorced twice and, still not have children, I would never have believed them.” After his first divorce he took his time, dated a number of ladies, stayed focused on the things that were important to him, especially his long term goal to have children. He dated his second wife for a year and was totally convinced she was the woman who would be the mother of their children and they would spent the rest of their lives together. They agreed to spend their first year traveling, having fun and getting to know each other and then try to start having children. After six months of reasons why she wanted to wait longer to get pregnant she decided she did not want children after all. He thought she might change her mind again so he tried to be patient. After two and a half years of marriage and, the “kid” conversation for the 100th time, she said “OK, I’ll have one but, YOU are going to take care of IT.” NOT what he wanted to hear from the mother of his children. Now he has no confidence in his ability to find the right person but he still wants to be married and have children. I said “I am going to make this real easy for you. I will only match you with ladies who know they also want children. They don’t tell me they want to have children unless they really do.” Incompatible long term goals, especially when it is an issue as important as getting married and/or having children obviously don’t work. Anyone can change their mind but what he found out after the divorce was that she was not at all sure about having children from the very beginning. He said “Why would someone do that?” Unfortunately many people marry for the wrong reasons, that is why the divorce rate is out of control. In El Paso county the divorce rate is in the high 60’s to low 70’s. Nationally, the only state that does better than 50/50 is Utah. He said “This time I am going to let you pick.”

My second appointment is a lady, 40, divorced, and her long term goal is marriage and children. She is not a match for the gentleman in the first interview but their stories are so similar it is uncanny. She also expected to be married and have a family by now and when her marriage ended almost four years ago she met a man who told her from the beginning he did not want to have children. She gave him credit for being honest about it and thought he could change his mind. Three years later, she knows he is not going to change his mind. She is very fit and healthy and would like to have her own child but she does not feel pressured because of her age. She said “Finding the right man is the most important part of the picture but it must be a man who wants children and if that means adoption that is fine too.”

As a Matchmaker for 22 years I see people waiting longer and longer to start their families. In 15 to 20 years we are going to have plenty of couples going to their children’s graduations and getting their AARP card in the mail at the same time.

To be continued Tuesday………………………………………………