Donna's Daily Diary - November 12, 2009

My first appointment today is a man, mid 40’s, divorced, two children, and his long term goal is marriage. His children are both in college. His now ex wife came to him a year and a half ago, the day after their youngest child left for college, and told him she was in love with another woman. His world, as he knew it, collapsed in a heartbeat. He had absolutely no idea. He thought they were the perfect couple. He was looking forward to the “empty nest” and thinking about all the freedom they would have, the things they could do, the places they would go. Instead, he questions whether or not he ever knew her at all and if their entire marriage was a sham. He started dating a few months ago and tried the online services. His complaints were the same ones I usually hear about dating online; time consuming, ineffective, they did not live in Colorado Springs and they did not look anything like their pictures. For him there was the added discomfort every time someone asked him why his marriage ended. He said “I didn’t want to say my ex wife fell in love with a woman and, I didn’t want to lie about it either”. I said “When you meet someone for the first time you don’t owe them any explanation.” I showed him my list of “do’s and don’ts” (see website under Dating Tips) at the top of the list is “Do not talk about past relationships”. If someone tries to get onto that subject in the first meeting, it is totally appropriate to say, “That is on the list of “do’s and don’ts”. Let’s keep this light and easy and get to know each other better before we discuss past relationships.” He asked me how I thought women would react to that when he did share it and I said “We have no control over what other people choose to do in our lives and the right person for you will understand that.” I also told him he was not alone. I have been in this business for 22 years and in the last few years I have heard similar stories from men AND women. He is a great guy and in spite of his experience, he believes in love and wants to spend the rest of his life with a special lady.

My second appointment today is so smart. She is only 28, ABS (always been single) and her long term goal is to find the right man. She said “I don’t care if we marry. I don’t care if we have kids. All I care about is finding the right man and we love each other unconditionally.” She has several brothers and sisters who are all older than her and she has watched as they all married and divorced. She has listened to all their stories and been there for all of them when they needed to talk. She has a wealth of information and knowledge about relationships for someone her age. She has numerous nephews and nieces she has been mothering since she was 12 years old. She owns her home, has a great job and loves her family but she does not want to travel the same road her brothers and sisters have traveled. She said “I am the last one in my family to have the opportunity to marry and NOT divorce. I want to get it right.” One of her sisters met her second husband through Perfectly Matched and she said “Call Donna.” I can take the pressure. This young lady is so delightful and pretty it will be a piece of cake. If I don’t have her perfect match right now, I will find him. Time is on our side.

To be continued tomorrow………………………………..