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Dear Donna: August 5th, 2018

Dear Donna,

I met a man three weeks ago and we had a couple of very pleasant dates. However, he also has a home in another state and spends more of his time there than here. We have been texting everyday since he left a couple of weeks ago, sometimes several times a day.

I am not sure how invested I want to be in this relationship when we don’t even know when we will see each other again. I don’t want to totally discourage him but I also don’t see myself in a part time long distance relationship. Laura

Dear Laura,

You are not in a “relationship” after two dates and you cannot get to know someone by texting. Even talking on the phone does not substitute for spending one on one time with someone you are just beginning to know.

Texting gives each person total control of the conversation. You have time to read, digest and consider your response. You have no eye contact or body language and all of that can make a huge difference in how you perceive someone.

Ask him to call you and tell him you want to stay in touch but you don’t want to invest in a relationship based on texting.

Talk about a time when you might see each other again and don’t allow this to keep you from being emotionally available to someone who could be a better fit for you.

Dear Donna,

Don’t most people know right away if they are attracted to someone? I had two wonderful dates with a lady I thought was equally interested in me. When I asked her out for a third date she said I was a very nice man but she was not attracted to me. I think if she had given it more time she might have become more attracted to me. Should I call her and encourage her to meet with me one more time before she decides? Rob

Dear Rob,

Many people decide instantly whether or not they are attracted to someone and most people know for sure if they are, or are not, feeling that “spark” by the third date. Most people however, will not tell someone they are not attracted to them.

She has already decided and she is not interested. You should move on and look for a lady who will be equally enthusiastic about you.

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