Perfectly Matched

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Because each of my interviews with future clients is essentially a teachable moment, keeping a diary allows my clients and others a unique perspective into the constantly evolving world of dating and relationships. By reading about what others set as their expectations and desires for their future relationships each of us is afforded the opportunity to personally reflect on what it is we want for ourselves. Enjoy!

Dear Donna April 23rd, 2018

Dear Donna,

I have been dating a lady for almost a year and I feel like she is constantly calling me to task for something I have done that displeases her. I have made some of the adjustments she asked for, like calling more often, taking the initiative to make plans for things to do, but when I asked her about cooking a meal for me she says “cooking is not my thing”.

Frankly, as much as I like her, I am getting a little tired of her knocking the wind out of my sails over one thing after another. Is there a nice way to tell her to knock it off? Tony


Dear Tony,

Have you told her you feel like she continues to knock the wind out of your sails? I think it is more important to communicate how you are feeling than trying to be nice about it.

Tell her you don’t like it, and you are going to let her know the next time she does it so you can talk about it when it happens.

Maybe you are being too nice and you need to stand up for yourself and be direct with her, like she is being with you.


Dear Donna,

My brother continues to date attractive ladies who need to be rescued financially. He is not the best looking guy and it seems worth it to him to pay for everything they want just to have them in his life.

I am tired of these ladies taking advantage of him and breaking his heart. How can I help him see the light? Tiffany


Dear Tiffany,

You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink. Men are very visual and your brother is not the only man with unrealistic physical expectations willing to rescue someone financially to have a pretty lady in his life. A client shared a quote with me recently that you could share with your brother that might make him think about changing his focus.

“If you save a damsel in distress, you will end up with a distressed damsel.”

Dear Donna March 22, 2018

Dear Donna,

How do you learn to trust again? And again? Twice now I have given my heart to two women I truly expected to spend the rest of my life with. I thought I had all my bases covered the second time around and I still got blindsided. Now every time I meet someone and she says what a nice guy I am, or how attractive I am, or how she can’t wait to see me, I think “I’ve heard that before” and it sounds like déjà vu all over again. How do I get past this? Mark

Dear Mark,

I don’t know how long your relationship lasted but basically it takes about one month for every year you were in a relationship to get in the right frame of mind to move one. Of course, the person who chooses to end the relationship usually has an easier time moving on than the person who did not want it to end. Ask yourself if you are in the right frame of mind to meet someone new. Would you want to meet a lady who is in the same place as you are emotionally? You don’t want to make everyone guilty by association the minute they say or do something your ex did, it could be coming from a very different place. You might need some more time before you try to start dating again.

Dear Donna,

I have been dating a man for a few months and I liked that we were taking it slow and getting to know each other as friends. On our last date he told me he thinks we should be exclusive and not date other people. I told him I was not dating anyone else but I am not ready to be exclusive. He said I must not be as interested in him as he is in me and if I cannot agree to being exclusive he wants to stop seeing me. I told him I needed some time to think about it and he told me to call him when I make up my mind. Then he left and I have not heard from him in a week. I am disappointed but reluctant to reach out to him because I still can’t say I want to be exclusive. Should I just let him go? Nancy

Dear Nancy,

Probably. Anyone who puts you in a position of “do this or else” is not being fair, or considerate of your feelings. He drew the line in the sand, left and has not connected with you in a week. I would not reach out to him and if he does not contact you, that’s it. If he does contact you, I suggest you meet personally to discuss it, no texting or email. Eyeball to eyeball and you might both learn something that will benefit you as you continue to date. Your lesson here could be to not allow anyone to put you in a place of “do this or else”.

Dear Donna March 21st, 2018 – Part II

Dear Donna,

I am dating a man I find very attractive except for his teeth. Everything about him is immaculate, except for his teeth. They are discolored and he could benefit from a couple of veneers or caps on his front two teeth. Is there a nice way to tell him he needs to do something about his teeth? Laura

Dear Laura,

I don’t have to give the “teeth talk” as often as I did years ago because most people are aware that nice teeth are a huge plus when it comes to appearance. Both men and women notice teeth more than almost any other physical feature.
Tell him you find him attractive and you think his smile would be so much brighter if he whitened his teeth.
Many people see a difference with the strips you can buy in the grocery store but if it takes a trip to the dentist to get the desired results, it could be one of the best investments he will ever make. And I bet he will love it!

Dear Donna March 21st, 2018

Dear Donna,

My girlfriend cheated on me and now she wants me back. We were together for four years and I was devastated when she told me she was in love with a coworker. I have spent the last few months trying to get over this and was just starting to feel better. She told me she never stopped loving me and the other guy turned out to be a jerk. A month ago I would have taken her back in a heartbeat but I recently met someone I really enjoy and was looking forward to getting to know her better.
I am torn because I would love to believe I could have what I used to have with my ex-girlfriend but I don’t know if I can trust her again. We lived together and she wants to move back in so I have to decide quickly. Randy

Dear Randy,

No, you don’t have to decide quickly, and you shouldn’t. At the very least you should not agree to letting her move in right away. You should tell your ex-girlfriend that you have met someone you are interested in getting to know better and keep going in the direction you were already going. If she is sincere about wanting you back in her life she will respect your decision and give you the time you need. The ball is in your court and it is not your responsibility to provide her with a place to live.
Everyone comes into your life for a reason and the lady you recently met could be there to help you move on.
I think you will find it easier to get over your ex-girlfriend than it will be to trust her again.

April 11, 2016

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March 28, 2016

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March 27, 2016

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March 14, 2016

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February 23, 2016

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February 16, 2016

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